nedsseveredhead:

I feel so proud when friends tell me their parents like me. Like damn right they do, I am a delight.

2spooky4boo:

restroom air dryers are a great way to warm your hands before wiping them on your jeans

(Source: sir-broccoli)

bagmilk:

ONLY DEAD PEOPLE KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN U DIE AND THAT FRUSTRATES ME

(Source: heteroh)

vitalizinq:

The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them

(Source: simpl-ic-ity)